Dear Emily,

Hey sis, I know what you mean and I will pray for you if you will do the same for me. At times I get the whole 'I want to do it all, because it interests me and I want to experience more of God's world' and then the ineviatible 'oh shoot, I'm overloaded and I'm slipping' comes in, but then at the same time it's like 'but all of this is great and why can't I just have a few more hours in the day to fit it all in!'

I don't know; for me, there is so much I want to express in my artwork, so many things I want to say, but at the same time, if I don't focus on a single idea (or media) will I just become a 'Jack of all trades, Master of none'? And not just art; writing, sciences, music... would I do an art major if I had to start over? I'm not sure... I still think of all the enjoyment I got from my biology classes, and I often think about what if I had done a Botany major instead?

The worst thing, and like you said not meaning to boast, is that I feel I could have done well in whatever I had chosen because of the gifts God has given to me. We're not limited to a single option, we have been given an embarressment of gifts.

I'm not sure if it will help, but there is a verse in Isiah 41, verse 10 that says:
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

I don't think that just means when we are in trouble, I think it means that God is there for us always, and we often tend to only go looking when the times are rough, but we need to remember that he ALWAYS gives us strength when we are working for his glory, even when we are confused.

One more thing, remember the parable of the talents (the metal money ones)? I seem to remember hearing once that it was not a money issue. It was not that they made the money double, but they did something with what they were given (and had consequences for when they did nothing). For us then, as I see it, even if we don't always succeed, if we are trying to do our best with what God has given us, if we are trying to grapple with what we are supposed to be doing, then we are doing what we are called to do.

Not exactly as comforting as it sounds, but just remember, the question of what it means to live a Christian life in service of God is not a new one. After being in Rome and at St. Peters Cathedral, I have a new appreciation for the lives of the Apostles. Now, just look at them, talk about a group of people who failed; I mean, former fishermen and tax collectors, most of whom died in doing what God called them to, spreading the gospel to the world. Think about how they felt, right before they died. They probably thought, 'Man, I goofed up! I was supposed to be bringing people to Christ, and living out my life for God and now my ministry ends because I'm going to die.' But God has bigger plans, and we can't see them. The Apostles died for the Lord, and due to that, people were converted, lives were changed and God was glorified.

Remember Em, that God's eyes are so much bigger than ours, God's plan is perfect for his glorification, and God is so much bigger than we often think. Take hope in that; that what you are doing, whatever it is be it writing, teaching, building houses, sewing up wounds, typing on a computer, even throwing a pot (or anything else in life, even eating, brusing your teeth, or whatever), gives glory to God and is so much a part of his bigger picture because we are being. You are where He wants you because you are being. You bring him Glory every day you wake up and take a breath, not necessarily because of what you do, but because you go and do it, fulfilling your calling as a living, working, created being, made in the image of God.

So I'm not sure how comforting that all is, but remember, God loves you not for what you do or accomplish, but because Em, you are his created child who gives glory to him in your very being.

I love you Em, and I pray you find God's peace in your decisions,
Your Brother