On Becoming 22

It's March 26. I am officially 22.

So much has happened this past year, so much accomplished, and yet at the same time as I think about it, I still feel so lost and confused about where I'm going, what I'm going to be doing in the next years and what I have left to do.

As one of my friends put it, '22 is the first meaningless birthday'. And while I'm not quite sure its THAT bad, he's right to some extent. 21 was big, because in everything I am not legal, with all the responsibilities and rights that entails. 20 was big because it was the whole 20's thing. 19 was big because it was the last year as a teenager. 18 was big because I could vote and serve in the military. The ones before that were all looking forward to what was to come...

And now I've hit 22. So many things I've wanted to do or say, that I've left undone. So many things I've started but not finished.

I think to myself, have I done all I could to fulfill my calling in what God wants me to be doing? Am I truly where He wants me to be? Have I truly tried to change those things about myself that frustrate me, like my messiness and procrastination? Have I done what I wanted to in my art, or have I only done what I needed to to just pass?

Where will I be next year? Will I be any different, or will I be asking the same questions again?

I don't know. Sometimes I look at what I've done and I see the gaps, the faults, and the failings, and other times I see the successes and accomplishments. Would I really change things if I were to go back in time and fix mistakes or unfinished projects?

I don't know.

[OK, so I went back and read this post, and while it sounds uber depressed and sad, I'm not really that bad. I guess it was just a combination of being tired and kinda introspective on my birthday. BTW, I had a great time tonight with my friends. We had dinner at the Nobel's and they must have had some kind of contact with the parentals because they had many (ok almost all) of my favorite dishes for dinner tonight. After dinner we played games and just had a blast. Thanks Mom and Dad for the input... it was very much appreciated.]