On Becoming 22

It's March 26. I am officially 22.

So much has happened this past year, so much accomplished, and yet at the same time as I think about it, I still feel so lost and confused about where I'm going, what I'm going to be doing in the next years and what I have left to do.

As one of my friends put it, '22 is the first meaningless birthday'. And while I'm not quite sure its THAT bad, he's right to some extent. 21 was big, because in everything I am not legal, with all the responsibilities and rights that entails. 20 was big because it was the whole 20's thing. 19 was big because it was the last year as a teenager. 18 was big because I could vote and serve in the military. The ones before that were all looking forward to what was to come...

And now I've hit 22. So many things I've wanted to do or say, that I've left undone. So many things I've started but not finished.

I think to myself, have I done all I could to fulfill my calling in what God wants me to be doing? Am I truly where He wants me to be? Have I truly tried to change those things about myself that frustrate me, like my messiness and procrastination? Have I done what I wanted to in my art, or have I only done what I needed to to just pass?

Where will I be next year? Will I be any different, or will I be asking the same questions again?

I don't know. Sometimes I look at what I've done and I see the gaps, the faults, and the failings, and other times I see the successes and accomplishments. Would I really change things if I were to go back in time and fix mistakes or unfinished projects?

I don't know.

[OK, so I went back and read this post, and while it sounds uber depressed and sad, I'm not really that bad. I guess it was just a combination of being tired and kinda introspective on my birthday. BTW, I had a great time tonight with my friends. We had dinner at the Nobel's and they must have had some kind of contact with the parentals because they had many (ok almost all) of my favorite dishes for dinner tonight. After dinner we played games and just had a blast. Thanks Mom and Dad for the input... it was very much appreciated.]

I wish

I wish I was here:

But not here:

Notice the grey sky and bare trees?

Spring Break- the halfway point

So here I am, already halfway through another spring break. Since I haven't gone anywhere, I thought I'd make this spring break a productive one... let's recount and see if I've done that so far.

So far I have:

-Spackled, primed and painted two colors of paint in my roommate's new house with his fiance and other friends (the roommate is off singing around the midwest with Capella- oh does he ever owe us!)
-Cut a woodblock and printed 250 invitations for a friend's wedding, by hand with no press.
-Thrown and finished 6 mugs and 2 jars (had a day where nothing I threw I liked/was good therefore the number does not reflect my time spent in the studio)
-Primed and painted the gallery wall for the new show going up (I get paid for that painting at least)
-Started catching up on some homework I let slide (I know, slap on the wrist)

So Here's what I still have to do this spring Break:
-Find paper and print out the information parts of the invitations for the Postema-VanderKooy wedding
-Work on my one research paper for this semester (maybe get it mostly written??)
-Finish the homework I've been stalling on.
-Hem a painting, maybe two. OK, don't ask on this one... it's too hard to explain right now.
-Glaze my ceramics that have been already bisque fired.
-Reflect on turning 22 this coming Sunday... (ahem...cough cough)

Yep, that's about it. Not too bad, and I've alread accomplished a lot, and even if some of these things don't get done it won't be the end of the world. So... for those of you in Sunny anywhere, I wish I was there... Did I mention that the temp was in the 20's... and grey.... woot for a West Michigan Spring Break...

The Oscars

So it was an entertaining evening with the friends, watching the Oscars and chatting about who and what won, and which we agreed with and which we didn't. Overall, it was a consensus that indeed, 'Crash' was the best movie of the year and so deserving of its award. I saw it last week for the first time, and while I know Em talked about it once, I'll say it again: this movie will change your life. So powerful, so well done, and such an amazing cast.

As for the other categories, it was a good mix, with no one film monopolizing everything, which made for a fun time watching.

Hope your weeks go well.
Can't wait to see mom and dad on Thursday!

it snowed again today

i've been in class for four weeks now, this is the fifth
i don't feel like i've done much work, but i know that i have

spring break is in two weeks

mom and dad are coming up next week
i can't wait

i've submitted my art department scholarship applications
hopefully i'll get a renewal or at least something

justin jonker and i are looking at a duplex for next year
we go to look at it at 1 on saturday afternoon
we still need a third roommate
it's a white on the corner of burton and edgewood

i got two of my drawings from class hung up in the hall
that's big praise from prof. speyers
he scares me sometimes, by being very harsh and critical
but when he gives you praise, you know you've earned it
and my drawing is getting better

i'm not sure what i want to do for spring break
i would love to go home to orlando
plane tickets are expensive and i can't drive down
time in the studio will be good as well though

i have at least three weddings already for this summer
at least that i know i'm getting invited to

i don't believe in giving up things for lent
it's not part of our tradition and kinda meaningless when not heartfelt
my roommate is giving up meat
i decided to add more time of prayer instead

my sociology class is cancled today
it has been raining and freezing all night
i like it that my prof lives in muskegon

mom and dad are coming up next week

spring break is in two weeks

i miss the sun

i'm proposing a show for the downtown gallery
my friend taylor and i want to do it together
keep next october open, at least part of it
it will be unconvential portraits
hopefully our proposal will be accepted
taylor will be doing paintings
i will have ceramic sculptures

it's thursday
i don't have class tomorrow
hooray for the weekend starting early

The first...

Ok, after a long enough delay, I finally figured out how to get a program that works that will easily hold my photos... the ones I have loaded already are ones Justin Jonker (my roommate on the trip and friend) took with his digital camera, though 'my' photos look very similar and should be coming soon... anyway, with no further ado, here are a few images of Italy to (hopefully) sustain you all for a while longer while I try to organize my trip into a narrative...



The coffered ceiling of the Pantheon... very cool to actually see in person...









Taylor and myself looking at an obelisk... there are numerous of these stolen from Egypt scattered throughout Rome... one of the biggest is in St. Peter's Square.








A Mosaic that was in the Vatican Museum of an early Christian (a very weathly one at that to have the mosaic made of her). There was a matching one of a gentleman who I assume was her husband since they wer done in the same size, style and bakcground... kinda cool to see all the tessera (the little tiles- some with real gold imbedded in them!) make up the larger portrait




"The Scraper" - considered to be 'the' ideal male form, perfect in all proportion... I believe that this is a Roman marble copy of a Greek bronze original. Not much of the oldest bronze statues survive, they were either melted down and turned into other statues, trinkets, or such, or turned into massive sculptures that are now in St. Peters (such as Bernini's canopy over the high altar)








The Fake David- after years in the plaza, the original David was moved to the Academy in Florence, inside away from things like pigeons and stupid tourists... cooincidently, now you have to purchase photos of the 'real' David as no photography is allowed in the Academy. Ironically, there are about a dozen other sculptures in this plaza, and the David is the only one that has been moved indoors; all the others are original and still outside!






Well, I hope this gives you a little bit of relief, knowing that I did indeed go to Italy and these things were actually seen by me and my group.
More to come!

I'm a Porsche!!

Woot woot!!

I'm a Porsche 911!

You have a classic style, but you're up-to-date with the latest technology. You're ambitious, competitive, and you love to win. Performance, precision, and prestige - you're one of the elite,and you know it.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Just a note...

Just a quick note to let you know that I got my pictures back and that I'm in the process of getting them on my computer so I can post them... don't worry, they are coming soon!
Happy Friday!

The Gallery

So I'm sitting at my desk, counting people going in the gallery to see the show "Picturing Faith: religious America in government Photography, 1935-1943" and who should walk in but Aunt Cindy!

She was in GR because Uncle Jack had Oratorio and she was buying a baby present for their new grandbaby, Caleb Jack. She decided to come down and see the show since it has some really cool works (like Dorthea Lange's 'Migrant Mother' and other works by Walker Evans among others) and she read about it in the paper... How fun to see her and catch up.

Just thought I'd let you know that my job is not all boring as I make sure the works of art don't escape (I think my title here is gallery Guard... ).

So hello from her, and now I have to do more reading...

Legos

In the effort to put my two cents in, I have one thing to say: "Buy Legos. Lots and lots of Legos."

Support free speech and the freedom to publish about issues that are in need of attention.

Buy Danish.

Ironic that the response to the Danish cartoons depicting Mohammad as violent was the rioting in numerous countries and burning of embassies in Syria and Tehran...

If they are free to depict Jews and Christians as evil, why the double standard?
And don't tell me its because of the representation of Mohammad... he's been depicted throughout history in art. This is an issue of criticism and not being able to handle it...

I'm not racist, prejudiced, angry, or upset at Muslims, I just wish that if they are going to insult other religions, they be able to take criticism of their own...

And "Buy Legos. Lots and lots of Legos"

My two cents... please tell me I can still post this and not get sanctioned...

Monday

A new day of a new semester, and oh how time flies. It seems like only yesterday iwas in Italy. I will post on that soon I promise... its amazing how fast things move. Have a good day all...

Death

I found out today that one of my friends from high school, Phil Kinney, passed away in a car accident this past October. It's not that we were best friends, but he was in many of my classes and I knew him fairly well, as well as one can know a fellow student in highschool where your interaction is mainly in class. But at the same time, it really shook me. He was only 21, my age, and yet, now he's gone. I think he was the first from our class to pass away since graduation, and it's just kind of sobering and sad.

Dear Emily,

Hey sis, I know what you mean and I will pray for you if you will do the same for me. At times I get the whole 'I want to do it all, because it interests me and I want to experience more of God's world' and then the ineviatible 'oh shoot, I'm overloaded and I'm slipping' comes in, but then at the same time it's like 'but all of this is great and why can't I just have a few more hours in the day to fit it all in!'

I don't know; for me, there is so much I want to express in my artwork, so many things I want to say, but at the same time, if I don't focus on a single idea (or media) will I just become a 'Jack of all trades, Master of none'? And not just art; writing, sciences, music... would I do an art major if I had to start over? I'm not sure... I still think of all the enjoyment I got from my biology classes, and I often think about what if I had done a Botany major instead?

The worst thing, and like you said not meaning to boast, is that I feel I could have done well in whatever I had chosen because of the gifts God has given to me. We're not limited to a single option, we have been given an embarressment of gifts.

I'm not sure if it will help, but there is a verse in Isiah 41, verse 10 that says:
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

I don't think that just means when we are in trouble, I think it means that God is there for us always, and we often tend to only go looking when the times are rough, but we need to remember that he ALWAYS gives us strength when we are working for his glory, even when we are confused.

One more thing, remember the parable of the talents (the metal money ones)? I seem to remember hearing once that it was not a money issue. It was not that they made the money double, but they did something with what they were given (and had consequences for when they did nothing). For us then, as I see it, even if we don't always succeed, if we are trying to do our best with what God has given us, if we are trying to grapple with what we are supposed to be doing, then we are doing what we are called to do.

Not exactly as comforting as it sounds, but just remember, the question of what it means to live a Christian life in service of God is not a new one. After being in Rome and at St. Peters Cathedral, I have a new appreciation for the lives of the Apostles. Now, just look at them, talk about a group of people who failed; I mean, former fishermen and tax collectors, most of whom died in doing what God called them to, spreading the gospel to the world. Think about how they felt, right before they died. They probably thought, 'Man, I goofed up! I was supposed to be bringing people to Christ, and living out my life for God and now my ministry ends because I'm going to die.' But God has bigger plans, and we can't see them. The Apostles died for the Lord, and due to that, people were converted, lives were changed and God was glorified.

Remember Em, that God's eyes are so much bigger than ours, God's plan is perfect for his glorification, and God is so much bigger than we often think. Take hope in that; that what you are doing, whatever it is be it writing, teaching, building houses, sewing up wounds, typing on a computer, even throwing a pot (or anything else in life, even eating, brusing your teeth, or whatever), gives glory to God and is so much a part of his bigger picture because we are being. You are where He wants you because you are being. You bring him Glory every day you wake up and take a breath, not necessarily because of what you do, but because you go and do it, fulfilling your calling as a living, working, created being, made in the image of God.

So I'm not sure how comforting that all is, but remember, God loves you not for what you do or accomplish, but because Em, you are his created child who gives glory to him in your very being.

I love you Em, and I pray you find God's peace in your decisions,
Your Brother

I always wondered...

So I was a little bored this morning and decided to take one of those blog quiz things... huh... Iron Man?

Your results:
You are Iron Man

Iron Man 70% Green Lantern 65% Spider-Man 65% Wonder Woman 60% Supergirl 60% Hulk 60% Catwoman 55% The Flash 55% Superman 55% Robin 50% Batman 20%

Inventor. Businessman. Genius.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

Italy...

Ok, so I am home safe adn sound after almost three weeks in Italy, and I have a lot of stories to tell and experiences to share. Right now I'm kinda waiting on getting my pictures developed this week so I can post some pictures with my posts, so for now, just understand that it was amazing, but I'm so glad to be home!

More to be said and related in the days to come!

I'm home!

and my oh my are there Christmas goodies to be had! hurry up and come on down siblings, because there are lots of things to share... and yippee! the next class I have to take is in Italy!

:)

I'm all done! Now I can pack, do laundry and get some sleep before I go home!!!

hip hip hooray!

Another exam done and now all that's left is to finish up my drawing final project and then work tomorrow morning and evening and Thursday morning, do some laundry and pack and fly home!!!!

I'm so ready!

:)

All I have to say is that NPR's online holiday concerts are getting me through my paper so fast. I love Christmas music.

I can give my vote for the Chanticleer Christmas recorded December 21, 2004 and The Morehouse-Spelman Christmas Concert recorded December 20, 2004.

Very good music. And very ready to go study some flashcards now that my take home exam is done!

one almost done! (with one)

I'm almost done (3/4ths) with my first exam. Yes its a take home, and I have another 600 words to write in the long essay part, but the 5 hours I spent in the library last night working on the 'short' answer part is done and all I have to do is finish my long essay. Not to bad for the day before exams...

As for the weather, I think its snowing again... and cold.... and snowing again. Did I mention the snow? I cannot wait to sit out on the deck and read my book in the sun, even if I have to wear a sweatshirt, its better than the grey!

Oh, and a random question, are crochet hooks allowed on planes anymore or will I have to check it? I have some hats to make as Christmas presents for friends and roommates over the holiday...

FIVE DAYS AND I'M HOME!!!!!